清醒的我~

现在已经是四点半了，我还是清醒的。躺在床上的，头脑一点都不听话，一直的在旋转个不停。
朋友们都说我的脸色已经越来越不好看，但不懂为什么，我就是在夜里睡不着。
怎么办？我不想自己的脸蛋看起来比别人难看得多，但偏偏我就是喜欢晚上的时光。

晚上，空气中会弥漫的一种优静且安宁的气息。我超喜欢这种独自一个人的时光。
白天，空气是多么的紧绷，是那么的逼人；但是到了夜晚，一切又恢复到了那宁静的呼吸。
再过一会儿，天色又要慢慢呈现鱼肚白，那是个让人感到兴奋的朝气。有些朋友甚至为了一睹那神采而熬夜。但对我来说，那时一切烦恼的开始。

人总是矛盾的。云被困在爱与不爱的漩涡当中，我被困在自由和不自由的风暴当中。就像白天和黑夜一样。我喜欢黑夜，但天空不会永远是黑的；我讨厌白天，但黑夜总会到来。
我时常为还没来到的事情而烦恼，为过去的事情懊恼，为现在的事情苦恼。看，这是白天的事情，多么恼人的事情。

‘事情’分开来审，就是‘事件’与‘感情’。一件事，如果只有‘事’那就简单得多了。但因为‘情’在作祟，所以人才会在‘事情’中团团转。所以，云说得没错，有时候做个冰山也是不错的。或许云表面是个火山但内心是个冰山，但说不定，云表面是个冰山但内心是个火山。我没有第三颗眼，我看不透她的心，但我珍惜与她的友情。


DediCat3D to 云~~

trYinG~~

I am TryIng to:~~
Be a nicEr PeRsson
Be A bett#r freNz
Be a HardworkIng StuD3nt
Be h0n3st to MyselF
Be an ObeD1ent ChIld
Be Go0d
Be m0r3 cleaN
Be Indepentdant
Be m0R3 FrenLy
Be moRe MaTuR3
SleEp eaRLiEr
RemeMBer What to d0 ev3ryday

Be a P3rfecT Pers0n~

Oversensitive m3

I am sitting in my room now try to figure out am i too sensitive or not.. sigh.. or i am thinking too much.. sumtimes i lock up myself in my room n then i try to think tat i have no frens.. sumtimes my fren ask to go here n there i decline n start to feel lonely... weird rit??
Liying say i din try to feel other's feeling.. isit true?? Am i tat selfish?? When there r too many voices in my mind, i cant make a corect desicion.. i am hesitating.. hesitate when my fren met sum prob.. shud i help?? or shud i jz do my own thing?? i jz cant be normal me..
So now.. i feel that i dun have any real fren.. What does fren actualy mean?? I have no idea.. i am trying to b good n to be natural but mayb ppl thing tat i am fake.. ( see how much i think in my mind)...
Or mayb i am expecting too much from my fren.. aiks.. i have to stop my mind of thinking all this nonsense..
mayb i shud learn how to b independant..how to live alone n b a lone ranger i think.. Liying say i have a pampered life b4 so now i am still acting like a kid... hmm.. she is right but i am also trying to change.. trying to b mature..
Like wad saek said to me.. chnages are always around, i jz have to open my heart to adapt it.. sounds easy but i duno i can do it or not..
am i too sensitive or wad?? when i c ppl can gathered around talking or laughing around i start to think a lot.. how many ppl can understand my feeling??

I know u r Reading~~

reading my blog is nothing fun.. hehe

Blur~~

Woke up this morning n i found i overslept ad.. i faster made a wake up call for him n heard a JIA YOU from him, wad a sweet beginning of my day.. Now i have to turn my concentrate on him so that i can feel more pleasure here.. :)
Unfortunately, after i fin my bath n preparation, they all said the class is cancelled.. WTF.. so, i decided to post a lil thing here.. hehe.. Still.. my heart is sorrow bt i think it will over soon.. -.-
Yet.. its evening time n i feel damn damn boring.. oh my godness.. all my fren(closed fren) went home ad.. my roomate n dear jing mei both of them r rily PBSM(persatuan balik setiap minggu).. ACtually i am also la.. haha..
I sleep from 12noon to 3pm then wake up doin nothing but starring on the moniter.. damn damn boring life here.. Some of my fren brought a car here but they are not as playful as me, or mayb in the other word, they r ok with the life here.. So, they r less going out. Even they r going out, they wont ask me to bcoz i am not close wit them.. haih..
I dunno am i a sociable person or not.. Mayb i am a nerd, a not very approachable girl.. But think back me secondary life, I a,m actualy a very approachable n frenly gal. Why am i change into a very weird gal.. Am i thinking too muc or perasaan to muc??
Well, Liying say better hide up our own emotion. Isit true?? If its true then i will die soon..

Weird Fe3lings

I never try this before but it really make me feel weird... i spoke sumthings incredible out but then i feel is wrong to say it.. Am i responsible on what i said?? Does it mean anything for you??
Actually that is nothing but a sense of sudden.. After i spoke out,i start to confuse... Is this what i want?? haizz...
Believing me is a fault,maybe you should defense more.. People around me doubt me a lot but i am not sure that are you one of them or not...
Exam come = trouble coming.. I hate this kind of feeling but i have to face it again n again.. I not sure that i handle it well or not but at least it wont bother me anymore...
A lot to say but a lot to keep too... Did u understand what am i talking?? Neither me understand what i written above...
~
As me grow mature,it means we are handling more n more stuff... No mater how we handle it,it is a process of growing..
I will handle my stuff carefully,especially me feelingss.. I will never overspilt it.. But please forgive me if i let my feelings to control me.. Control my behaviour...
I need forgiveness from u all but y i cant forgive myself??
~
Weird right?? If u didnt feel weird now,that means you are really a weird person... Wakakaz

My Friend~

Sometimes i will think... Who is my real friend??? If there are one,am i really treat him or her as friend??

I not deserve to have a friend.. I am a very bad girl... Trust me,you will regret if continue to be my friend... Chia yin say bf is more important then friend for me... Is it true?? Maybe... I cant denied it... I have to say yes because those guys make me feel fly up on the sky.. Its F-A-K-E!!!

Cant believe i say these words?? Ok.. I will prove it... I will prove it by not to flower heart... I will prove it by treat somebody i love by all my heart... Loyal to him... Please give me a supportive sight... As i know i can do it...

TOmmorow i will go to a music camp.. i cant imagine how the camp will be.. It might be fun but i hope everything will be done with peace in my heart... With no worries,panic n fear.... Pray~~~

Sometimes i find that,if people are telling a truth,we might not believe to him or her... But when he or she is talks a lies,we believe on it... How stupid human are and so am i... i lied to poeple,people lied on me... Do you lied on me?? I dont know... but seriously,i lied on you... Dont ask me who is the 'you',for 'you' will know who 'you' are...

Everybody hates lies... But neither me.. I dont hate lies,because if somebody lies on me,i will create a lot of excuse for him or her... Dont laugh my stupidness but u all should blame me... Blame my dishonesty... haizz... I want to honest but i am sooo scared that people cant accept my honesty... Am i wrong??? If oneday i tell everybody about the real,you all will surely boikot me as i am such a horrible person... arghh...

I never hope anybody's forgiveness... Because if you forgive me that mens you are the same with me... I rather hope that you all are honest person Not only honest to everybody but also yourself... Dont take me as a role model as one day i will fall like a kid,cry loudly....

Chia Yin,do you believe me??
Teik how,do you believe me??
Joyee,do you believe me??
Christine,do you believe me??
Quakquak,do you believe me?
Lynzz,do you believe me??

F-R-I-E-N-D-S,Do you all believe me??