Oversensitive m3

I am sitting in my room now try to figure out am i too sensitive or not.. sigh.. or i am thinking too much.. sumtimes i lock up myself in my room n then i try to think tat i have no frens.. sumtimes my fren ask to go here n there i decline n start to feel lonely... weird rit??
Liying say i din try to feel other's feeling.. isit true?? Am i tat selfish?? When there r too many voices in my mind, i cant make a corect desicion.. i am hesitating.. hesitate when my fren met sum prob.. shud i help?? or shud i jz do my own thing?? i jz cant be normal me..
So now.. i feel that i dun have any real fren.. What does fren actualy mean?? I have no idea.. i am trying to b good n to be natural but mayb ppl thing tat i am fake.. ( see how much i think in my mind)...
Or mayb i am expecting too much from my fren.. aiks.. i have to stop my mind of thinking all this nonsense..
mayb i shud learn how to b independant..how to live alone n b a lone ranger i think.. Liying say i have a pampered life b4 so now i am still acting like a kid... hmm.. she is right but i am also trying to change.. trying to b mature..
Like wad saek said to me.. chnages are always around, i jz have to open my heart to adapt it.. sounds easy but i duno i can do it or not..
am i too sensitive or wad?? when i c ppl can gathered around talking or laughing around i start to think a lot.. how many ppl can understand my feeling??

I know u r Reading~~

reading my blog is nothing fun.. hehe

Blur~~

Woke up this morning n i found i overslept ad.. i faster made a wake up call for him n heard a JIA YOU from him, wad a sweet beginning of my day.. Now i have to turn my concentrate on him so that i can feel more pleasure here.. :)
Unfortunately, after i fin my bath n preparation, they all said the class is cancelled.. WTF.. so, i decided to post a lil thing here.. hehe.. Still.. my heart is sorrow bt i think it will over soon.. -.-
Yet.. its evening time n i feel damn damn boring.. oh my godness.. all my fren(closed fren) went home ad.. my roomate n dear jing mei both of them r rily PBSM(persatuan balik setiap minggu).. ACtually i am also la.. haha..
I sleep from 12noon to 3pm then wake up doin nothing but starring on the moniter.. damn damn boring life here.. Some of my fren brought a car here but they are not as playful as me, or mayb in the other word, they r ok with the life here.. So, they r less going out. Even they r going out, they wont ask me to bcoz i am not close wit them.. haih..
I dunno am i a sociable person or not.. Mayb i am a nerd, a not very approachable girl.. But think back me secondary life, I a,m actualy a very approachable n frenly gal. Why am i change into a very weird gal.. Am i thinking too muc or perasaan to muc??
Well, Liying say better hide up our own emotion. Isit true?? If its true then i will die soon..

Weird Fe3lings

I never try this before but it really make me feel weird... i spoke sumthings incredible out but then i feel is wrong to say it.. Am i responsible on what i said?? Does it mean anything for you??
Actually that is nothing but a sense of sudden.. After i spoke out,i start to confuse... Is this what i want?? haizz...
Believing me is a fault,maybe you should defense more.. People around me doubt me a lot but i am not sure that are you one of them or not...
Exam come = trouble coming.. I hate this kind of feeling but i have to face it again n again.. I not sure that i handle it well or not but at least it wont bother me anymore...
A lot to say but a lot to keep too... Did u understand what am i talking?? Neither me understand what i written above...
~
As me grow mature,it means we are handling more n more stuff... No mater how we handle it,it is a process of growing..
I will handle my stuff carefully,especially me feelingss.. I will never overspilt it.. But please forgive me if i let my feelings to control me.. Control my behaviour...
I need forgiveness from u all but y i cant forgive myself??
~
Weird right?? If u didnt feel weird now,that means you are really a weird person... Wakakaz

My Friend~

Sometimes i will think... Who is my real friend??? If there are one,am i really treat him or her as friend??

I not deserve to have a friend.. I am a very bad girl... Trust me,you will regret if continue to be my friend... Chia yin say bf is more important then friend for me... Is it true?? Maybe... I cant denied it... I have to say yes because those guys make me feel fly up on the sky.. Its F-A-K-E!!!

Cant believe i say these words?? Ok.. I will prove it... I will prove it by not to flower heart... I will prove it by treat somebody i love by all my heart... Loyal to him... Please give me a supportive sight... As i know i can do it...

TOmmorow i will go to a music camp.. i cant imagine how the camp will be.. It might be fun but i hope everything will be done with peace in my heart... With no worries,panic n fear.... Pray~~~

Sometimes i find that,if people are telling a truth,we might not believe to him or her... But when he or she is talks a lies,we believe on it... How stupid human are and so am i... i lied to poeple,people lied on me... Do you lied on me?? I dont know... but seriously,i lied on you... Dont ask me who is the 'you',for 'you' will know who 'you' are...

Everybody hates lies... But neither me.. I dont hate lies,because if somebody lies on me,i will create a lot of excuse for him or her... Dont laugh my stupidness but u all should blame me... Blame my dishonesty... haizz... I want to honest but i am sooo scared that people cant accept my honesty... Am i wrong??? If oneday i tell everybody about the real,you all will surely boikot me as i am such a horrible person... arghh...

I never hope anybody's forgiveness... Because if you forgive me that mens you are the same with me... I rather hope that you all are honest person Not only honest to everybody but also yourself... Dont take me as a role model as one day i will fall like a kid,cry loudly....

Chia Yin,do you believe me??
Teik how,do you believe me??
Joyee,do you believe me??
Christine,do you believe me??
Quakquak,do you believe me?
Lynzz,do you believe me??

F-R-I-E-N-D-S,Do you all believe me??

Its suckzz...

Last saturday i went to queensbay with my friendss...

Argh... i dont know why the situation will becomes S-U-C-K-Z!!!! everything started is because of my greedy... Dont know why i a sooo greed bout it until i can do everything... haiss...

But these all stuff made me realise a lot of thingss....

First... betrayal is bad... But,ironicaly... i done it... I betray all of my friend and i just dont know why i will done it... I am soo regret... Soo sry pei ying,ye xiang,jia hong and choon lin..

Second... lying is bad... But,i have also done it... I lied to them and i am sooo regret now thinking of their faces.. They believed me,waiting for me to come back but i lied to them... Oh gosh... I am really sorry...

Third... Friendship is the best compare to love... friends can forgive you faster then a lover.. But i am soooo sorry friends,i lied,betray,leave,forget u all... I am bad... haizz... I know i didnt deserve all your forgiveness...

Here are some words i want to tell them:-
Peiying
I am soo sory i dumped u... i know what i say now would be fake and i dont want to explain anything... You see,i am really sorry no matter what.. You can blame me or i should say u must blame me... Dont ask me any reason of what i done that day.. I am just soo sorry...
Ye xiang
Oh... I am very sorry to you too.. Nothing more to say.. sorrysorrysorry and sorry...
Jia hong
Well.. I think i have explain all in the phone with u... Its up to u to believe or not... I appreciate if u believe me but i have nothing to say if u didnt believe me... Mayb is me who didnt tell u everything before i joined you all to queensbay... but now,everything is over... S-O-R-R-Y is what i should and must to say
Choon lin
You know nothing about what is happening that day... So,accept my apologized by not accompanied you all.. Really Sorry about it...


Friendzz... hundred and thousand of S-O-R-R-Y...

well....

OK,i will just admit it... I am lazy for blogs.. these is the reason:
1. using stupid pinyin for typing ( sorry chia yin )
2. i will become stupidly emo
3. i am just dishonest about my blog

Disappoint??

SO sorry bout that... but i will be totally honest from now on...

To be honest..
I hope you all prepare for being heart attack.. ha.

Today is the last day of 1B exam,yucks!! i hate exam... I used to have a very open minded bout exam... happy go lucky.. but now, everything change since i enter this new class... my class is a class of bookworm(sorry....). Its true when u see them holding a book whenever they are... i just cant do the same like them... For them.am i a freak??(for not always holding a book).

But,exam is going to over( 6 hours left)... and i start to plan about my holiday... improve my English??? or maybe i just have to repay my sleep dept... During this exam,i just slept for 3 hours per day and i feel incredible right now.. Where comes my passionate about exam?? Erhemm... Actually... I am vain.. I want good result is to being proud in front of everybody. ha ha... But these does not happen every single exam as teik how is the biggest winner... Don't denied about it!!!

Currently,i start to think of my R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N.. Its all about my ex bf... ARGH.... Am i still have feelings on him?? maybe yes... disappoint??? please don't... i am undergo a series of transformation... from a simple brain to a more complicated one.. But i am not sure that it will success or not... I try to be honest with myself... Its quite tough for me... But honest in front of other people is more tough... You cant make sure that people can accept the darker side of you or not...

When Chia Yin said about my relation,she will just scoff... Am i really too not serious in love?? No!!! I am not!!! i am totally serious when love passing by... But just.. maybe I will start to see things in different perspective when love passing by... And i am selfish,I will give myself the best.. Not other...

Ever wonder about why i have a very ugly history?? Maybe is because i am too good and don't know how to refuse people...Its hard to say 'NO'... but i have mentioned just now.. I am undergo-ing a transformation... trust me...